Monday, March 30, 2009

Episode 9 Vegetarian/Veganism

Episode 9


Welcome to Episode 9 of Jay Wont dart's podcast, this is my first episode to do with animals. Through different episodes in my podcast, Im planning to cover topics about movies, computers, video games, music and animals.

In this episode I'll talk a little bit about why you should really think about being Vegan, the history of not eating animal products, health benefits, and about how cool it is to whip out the line, "yeah, Im vegan because I care about animals, they have feelings and I really respect that", that little beauty is better than any date rape drug, you're going to get some serious action. That's why I'm vegan of course.

You should know by now that I love cutting sound clips from other media, in this episode I have a lot of snippets from other podcasts, and even some stuff from Metal Gear Solid 4, one of the best Video Games ever. It talks about animal abuse ingame as little easter eggs really. Its great to see such a manly, James Bond spy kinda game bringing up the idea that strong men can be nice to animals too.

I also have some YouTube audio to play, and links to the videos I used are included in the notes for this episode, as always you see them in "Lyrics" however you bring that up depending on how you are listening to this podcast, if on an iPod you go through the info for rating, skipping through the audio, and Lyrics should be there. You can see the entire script of this episode, with my sources at the very bottom :)

I do have some videos featuring celebrities, such as Moby, a musician, and Carl Lewis , one of the all time greatest athletes, he dominated world records for a considerable amount of time. Ok, so the fastest man in the world right now isnt Vegan, but one of the very top of all time is, and Carl Lewis says that being Vegan helped his performance.

Mixed in are some clips from No Agenda, my favourite podcast after the NZ Vegan Podcast of course :) Knuckles, the host from NZ Vegan was kind enough to record a clip to use in this episode. I'll have her on later.

No Agenda often bring up anti "green", anti "vegetarian/vegan and "VAY-GUN" as Dvorak likes to pronounce Vegan, he also thinks They're trying to put AMY WINESTEIN into rehab, and she says no no no, and that George Michael, and the band, was the lead singer of Queen.

When I listen to No Agenda, I'll write down funny quips, I grab a piece of paper and scratch out "NA Episode 40, 1 hour 40 minutes 14 seconds" or whatever, and at home extract the clip to use later.

I love when they talk about Vegetarians and Vegans, they joke as if we are some huge terrorist network invading america, poisoning people with our ideas about cutting out meat. I have read a lot of people tying in Veganism with Global Warming, how meat needs many times more resources and pollutes far more than plant crops do, but I dont like that spin either, Global Warming politics is a very messy item, No Agenda often will point out a lot of things about what politicians are trying to do with it, all sorts of crazy taxes, and human rights getting taken away, all to save some supposed animal on the other side of the world. When you think about it, Global Warming, now called Climate Change when it turns out a lot of places are getting colder, not hotter, Climate Change is a lot like Y2K, remember how upset people got over that? It was going to be anarchy remember, nuclear power plants would go off, killing millions, planes would drop from the sky.....nothing happened. On No Agenda, they often give the idea Climate Change is another way of creating a new economy, a new way for the elite to rule over the working classes.

I dont deny that Climate Change is occurring, and its another topic, so I'd better get on track!

I'll start by talking about Vegetarianism.

Vegetarians are people who generally dont eat meat, but they may or may not eat eggs, and diary products. Some really weird people dont think fish are animals, so fish dont count as meat, um, so what, they are minerals are they? Vegetables with eyes, fruit with brains? Steve Jobs, Apple CEO is said to be pescetarian, he eats fish but not other animals.

I personally think that pescetarians are kinda funny, I mean they go so far as to cut out practically all animal's, but then go and eat fish, so they dont get to use my killer pick up line about caring for the cute little animals and their really important feelings.

Vegetarians may also eat honey, and wear leather. When I ate things with milk in them, I had Vegetarian Cheese, which still has cows milk, ugh, but is free of Rennet, rennet is basically baby cow vomit, its used to break down the milk in cheese. I guess they kill baby cows just for the rennet as its called, vomit. Vegetarian cheese uses an artifical kind of rennet, it can come from other sources, I guess it must be more expensive than baby cow vomit, so mainstream people eat rennet containing cheese without having a clue whats inside. People really should start looking into ingredients.

Vegans are different to Vegetarians,

Donald Watson coined the term Vegan, he took the start of Vegetarian, and the end, to form Veg an, pronounced Ve-gun.

Heres a sound file I took from YouTube, asking people in San Francisco what they thought the word Vegan meant. Most are very fat americans.

Vegans dont use any animal products whatsoever, I now call myself Vegan, although I dont like the term as to me, it sounds like a Japanese sex toy. It is a very useful term though, as if you order food thats vegetarian, it could have milk in it, or eggs, or even fish, who knows what the chef's idea of vegetarian is, Vegan is very easy to define, nothing belonging to an animal, so I'm starting to get used to the word.

Vegans also shouldnt like leather, its nothing more than preserved skin. Its gross what has to be done to the skin to make leather goods, I feel sick when I see gorgeous women, and then the scaly hide handbag they have.

Now, being vegetarian or vegan is not a religion, I get very annoyed about people who call it a "lifestyle", a "personal decision", I dont see it as anything more than a choice somebody makes, because they care about their health, and the lives of animals. I myself was put off the idea of being Vegetarian, I didnt even know what a Vegan was until only a few years ago, because Vegetarians are portrayed as freaky people, weirdo hippie chicks, always women really, skinny, whiny, bitchy, always lecturing and handing out pamphlets on the street. If a guy is vegetarian, hes either gay or insanely effeminate, its not a manly thing to do. I had known some vegetarians, some family members living in Christchurch, vegetarian capital of New Zealand, and a family friend, but I saw them as female, and different people, they ate different things to normal people and were just weirder!

I guess it was the stereotype stamped in my mind from where I grew up. I knew I didnt like eating meat, I hated the bones in KFC, I could never pick the last bits of flesh from them, my parents would literally suck the bones to get the marrow, I never would eat cold meat, I didnt like cutting meat from the bone. But I ate meat, and ordered medium rare steak, I would have Meatball Subway sandwiches, and meat lovers pizza. I guess it was trying to be a man really, trying to fit in. Through the internet I learnt about more people who cared about the lives of animals, and it started sinking in, I mean, I wouldnt eat a cat would I? of course not, because you dont do that, not to cats, but its ok to eat cows , um, right? Online, I found out more and more about animal rights groups, like SAFE here in NZ, Save Animals From Experiements, and PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. It started to affect me more and more. One of the final things for me was learning about really smart men who were vegetarian, people like Nikola Tesla, who invented practically everything to do with electricity, radio, and magnetism, Albert Einstein, Mr Scientist himself, and Adolf Hitler, the baddest man in history. I began to see Vegetarians more as normal people, people like me, who cared about animals, who didnt want to hurt them ,to eat them, I couldnt ever kill an animal and strip all its organs out, its not me, so why would I pay someone to do it for me, while I shut my eyes? It was about being logical, about doing the right thing. Now that I had my own vegetarian role models, it seemed like something I really wanted to do.

Now I'll play the Metal Gear Solid 4 stuff, the first is about the tough James Bond type hero, Solid Snake getting help from his rat friends,

and the second clip is what happens if you shoot a wolf that appears during the game, you can hear a second guy, Otacon get upset straight after, he was in love with Sniper Wolf who was a female boss who you killed in the same location years early on Shadow Moses, well I'll skip the Metal Gear Solid story, its really good, look it up sometime :)

Here are some recordings from YouTube, the first is about a Vegan guy who wont date meat eaters. Have a guess if hes straight or not.

Did you guess that he was gay? Well, he is, his name on youtube is Gay God, he has a photo of him with his boyfriend, and its kinda obvious! Good for him.

This clip is a response to the last clip, now a woman who wont date meat eaters.

On youtube, people just have to add their opinion, normally in some hastily shot video.
finally, a meat eater who wouldnt date vegetarians, his clip sucks compared to the Vegan versions, it doesnt have any thought put into it.
< meat eater response clip>

It was fairly easy to be vegetarian, apart from the first month, where I kinda felt weird not eating what my dad ate. People generally didnt even know, you dont have to eat meat every meal, its not like you have to be seen eating live chickens as you walk down the street. I starting being vegetarian when I was 19, for 2007, 7 the lucky number, and for 2009 I've decided to start being Vegan, all I had to do was cut out things with milk inside. Things with milk as an ingredient are harder for me to avoid than meat, I'd never thought about it, but chips, baked beans even bread can all have milk hidden away. Suddenly, things I'd been eating every week for years were the devil, and had to be replaced, quickly!

To hear about someone elses perspective, heres my friend Knuckles, from the NZ Vegan Podcast, she was wonderful enough to record this for my little old podcast

No, thank you Knuckles! You can find the NZ Vegan Podcast on iTunes by searching for "N Z Vegan" in the iTunes Store.

My average meals now have a lot of beans, rice, pasta, fruit and vegetables in them, more than when I ate meat. I hate even thinking about eating meat now, I wish I could forget about it, just delete my past. I even feel angry at my parents a little for how they ate around me when I was little, I feel like I was cheated out of thinking about not eating animals when I was younger. Ultimately its a personal decision, not something I can blame on everyone else, but I really wish I'd never eaten animal products now. I've heard about people being angry at vegetarians who bring their children up that way, they say its like brainwashing, depriving them of dead animals all hacked up, but that works both ways, and I think that you could use the term brainwashing more for people who are told to pat the kitty, because some animals feel pain, but to be quiet and eat the chickens legs, "because its normal dammit!"

Some of my friends act like I'm weird, they've joked that I've had some spiritual awakening or something, like im a weirdo hippie now ,sometimes they will say "right, im off to KFC" in front of me. It doesnt bother me at all, no skin off my back ha. Their little words dont cut me to the bone, I'm on a roll!

So once I got past the idea that vegetarians were weirdos, I felt great being vegetarian, and now vegan, for my health, and for the lives of the animals. Screw anyone who wants to put down someone else for caring.

Some famous Vegans
Jermaine Jackson, Michael Jackson's brother, Dennis Kucinich, he ran for President, his SUPER SEXY red haired wife , Elizabeth, half his age, shes also Vegan, Joaquin Phoenix, he narrated Earthlings, Moby, Techno artist who made music for Earthlings, Weird Al Yankovic, who makes all the parody songs, Billy West, voice actor on Futurama and many other shows, Pamela Anderson, Ellen Degeneres, Tobey Maguire, Daniel Johns of Silverchair, Prince, Shania Twain, Andre 3000 of Outkast, Ingrid Newkirk, founder of PETA, and Donald Watson, founder of the UK Vegan Society, the man who came up with the word Vegan by taking the start and end of the word Vegetarian to make " Vegan"

Phew. And thats just a tiny list, from memory.

Moby is a famous popular musician, and Vegan. Heres an interview he gave.

Heres the rest of the clips from No Agenda that I've gotten so far. I'm sure Vegans will come up in future.

Its a little difficult sometimes to find out if historical figures were Vegetarian, and ate diary and eggs, or if they were fully Vegan, as my friend Knuckles points out, the word Vegetarian really encompasses alot of stuff, some people who just stop eating red meat will call themselves vegetarian, its also become a trendy fad, something that famous people do, like scientology, and something that Oprah did for 21 days to "cleanse" herself, ugh. Oprah said so much great stuff about being Vegan, she also stopped caffine, sugar and other things, she said how great it made her feel and how easy and tasty the food was. But then she goes and gives it up still. It really makes it seem like a trendy diet you do for a month, and then give up.

This clip was on CNN, its some womans day type story, womens television I guess, ugh, its awful to listen to them! They talk about veganism as being "hard", they dont think about the animals, its about giving up non vegan Chocolate cake. It also makes Veganism to be like a new fad diet, like the aitkens diet, something you do for awhile and then give up once you grow out of it. It does have an interview with Russell Simmons at the end though, and has a huge figure that they claim is the number of vegans in america.

Theres many international groups that promote being Vegetarian, most people today will have heard of PETA, People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA have been mentioned quite a few times on mainstream television like The Simpsons, they put out huge billboard ads, they have had advertising spots during the SuperBowl over in america.

Lots of PETA campaigns are well remembered, they almost all end up causing controversy, many use violent imagery, showing blood and cages, saying that eating meat is like the holocaust,

That really annoyed Jewish organisations in America, even though it was also defended by famous jewish animal rights campaigners, in America mentioning anything negative about Jewish people seems to be instantly bad, you get sued for using the J word.

Other campaigns PETA has run target KFC, Mcdonalds and other huge fast food companies, for using abused animals in their food byproducts. These campaigns often result in the targeted company introducing some token vegetarian option like salads, along with a little pr speech saying "Company X is all for animal rights and we try to have our animals in the largest cages ..." blah blah blah.

PETA have also shown animals being used in experiments, they have hidden cameras on as they visit places where horrific acts occur. Some I've seen are about animals in experiments, such as having their bodies strapped into a machine, and "snapped" upright, to test the effects of pressure on living bodies. Other experiments that are performed on animals include isolation tests, vivisection, and testing chemicals on animals, many large companies put chemicals into rabbits eyes to test how they react badly.

A well known PETA discovery was the case of Britches, a monkey who was kept at the University of California, Riverside. Poor Britches was taken from his mother, his eyelids were sewn shut with really thick string, and a bizarre "sonar device" was strapped on his head. Britches, and another 23 animals were to be kept isolated from other animals for three whole years, apparently to see if these animals could learn to see with the sonar device or something.....Its just sick. Theres plenty of photos of Britches online, eyes all bandaged up, and this crazy device on his head that made a high noise every so often. Britches was found with a warm device with fake nipples, which he cowered around, probably thinking it was his mother. Close to 500 animals were "liberated", stolen, from the labs, and now Britches lives with other monkeys, without any experiments performed on him.

Many famous celebrities campaign for PETA, Pamela Anderson is probably the most well known.

I wasnt sure about what PETA's actual goals were, if they were into whats called animal welfare, where companies that use animals such as slaughterhouses, they are asked politely to use less painful methods of killing animals, or abolition, which is ending all animal use period. Practically all the anti meat pamphlets I've seen from PETA use the word "Vegetarian", not Vegan, I asked if they would clarify PETAs position on animal use, and got this statement.

I thought it was quite a good ready to send response, but I do wish PETA would use the word "Vegan" more often.

Heres a clip from Ingrid Newkirk, a co founder of PETA.

Theres a very good interview podcast with her, if you search for Time 10 Questions on iTunes, you'll find the Ingrid Newkirk interview, where she answers questions Time Readers have sent. I hope you decide to listen to it, its not very long.

However, there has been lots of criticism of PETA, they operate animal shelters where they do kill unwanted animals, its kinda shocking that some of their statistics show they've killed up to 85% of all the animals given to them. There are "no kill shelters" where animals are not put to sleep forever, killed, but PETA says these dont work out and are cruel because they basically keep the wounded and sometimes dangerous animals in cages forever.

PETA workers have been caught before hurting animals.

And one more point, PETA have been criticised by abolitionist groups, who call PETA welfarest, that PETA is willing to work with KFC etc to still sell meat, as long as the animals lives are made a little less horrible first. Abolitionists think that thats selling out, and is harming the Vegan message to leave all animals alone.

An interesting Vegetarian to bring up is Adolf Hitler. I love reading about wars, history in general is awesome, but war is really the best of it, Politics by other means, as the quote goes. Hitler is a famous vegetarian, or he said he was Vegetarian, hes known to have eaten blood sausage and other gross german offal meals at times, and his personal chef is known to have snuck bone marrow and other guts into his meals if she thought he wasnt getting enough "healthy food", like blood and bones.

Hitler personally thought that being Vegetarian was a great thing for the human race, and could help his own stomach problems. At the time of Hitler, being vegetarian was seen as more to do with your own health, to get the health benefits, rather than for ethical reasons like caring about animals.

From that we can see that he also ate eggs, so he was certainly not Vegan, and because he was known to eat meat, was not a very good Vegetarian either.

In other countries being Vegetarian or Vegan is quite acceptable, in India many people are vegetarian, some surveys show as high as 40 percent of India is vegetarian. In India, its very common for vegetarian products to have a green circle in a green square, products that have animal products should show a brown circle in a brown square. I wish all New Zealand food were labelled this way, although there are a handful of things with the Vegetarian Societys label.

Many Athletes are also Vegan, because of the health benefits. A very famous Vegan is Carl Lewis, heres a clip featuring him.

In America, almost 1 out of every 200 children and teenagers are Vegetarian, its more common among young women.

To finish, I'll mention the Brown Dog Affair. Its about experiments performed on a small brown dog in 1903, in London. The dog, a small brown terrier, was used in an experiment, then kept in a cage for two months, where he howled loud enough to upset people. For the second, most well known experiment, he was brought into a lecture theatre, strapped on his back to a board, his legs and head tied to the board, his mouth muzzled to try to silence him. His throat was cut into, apparently to show something to do with saliva, he was electrocuted inside his throat or mouth area to try and make spit, it didnt seem to be working. The main experimenter kept trying to make saliva appear for thirty minutes, I guess he had this dog cut open, still quite conscious, and shocking glands inside the mouth, for thirty minutes. A student came up, cut out the dogs Pancreas, and then killed the dog with a knife. This whole awful affair was taken before court, and became a well known news story at the time. Much protest happened about vivisection,performing experiments on living animals. The National Anti-vivisection Society made a memorial to the Little Brown Dog, the over 2 metre monument was made from stone, with a bronze dog at the top. It had a waterfountain for people to drink from, and a lower trough for dogs and horses to drink from.

An inscription on the memorial said

"In Memory of the Brown Terrier Dog done to Death in the Laboratories of University College in February 1903, after having endured Vivisection extending over more than two months and having been handed from one Vivisector to another till Death came to his Release. Also in Memory of the 232 dogs vivisected at the same place during the year 1902. Men and Women of England, how long shall these things be?"

Medical students were annoyed by the memorial, they didnt see anything wrong with experimenting on living animals. At first the memorial was safe, but in 1907 the area was protested often. Over time, groups of medical students would attack the memorial with weapons, and many people were arrested.

During one protest, street vendors sold hankerchiefs with the date of the protest on them and this small slogan

""Brown dog's inscription is a lie, and the statuette an insult to the London University"

A good passage from the Brown Dog Affair wikipedia page,

"Coral Lansbury writes that the causes of feminism and women's suffrage became closely linked with the anti-vivisection movement. Three of the four vice-presidents of the Battersea General Hospital that refused to allow vivisection were women.[63] Lansbury argues that the Brown Dog affair became a matter of opposing symbols, the iconography of vivisection striking a chord with women. The vivisected dog muzzled and strapped to the operating board blurred into images of suffragettes on hunger strike restrained and force-fed in Brixton Prison; women strapped into the gynaecologist's chair by an all-powerful male medical establishment, forced to have their ovaries and uteruses removed as a cure for "mania," or strapped down for childbirth.[64] Richard Ryder writes that the dog represented the vulnerability of women; the medical students the machismo of science.[2]"

In 1910 the memorial to the Little Brown Dog was taken down. Over 75 years later, a new small memorial was put up elsewhere, near the end of 1985. It repeats the previous inscription, and adds

"This monument replaces the original memorial of the brown dog erected by public subscription in Latchmere Recreation Ground, Battersea in 1906. The sufferings of the brown dog at the hands of the vivisectors generated much protest and mass demonstrations. It represented the revulsion of the people of London to vivisection and animal experimentation. This new monument is dedicated to the continuing struggle to end these practices. After much controversy the former monument was removed in the early hours of 10 March 1910. This was the result of a decision taken by the then Battersea Metropolitan Borough Council, the previous council having supported the erection of the memorial. Animal experimentation is one of the greatest moral issues of our time and should have no place in a civilized society. In 1903, 19,084 animals suffered and died in British laboratories. During 1984, 3,497,355 animals were burned, blinded, irradiated, poisoned and subjected to countless other horrifyingly cruel experiments in Great Britain"

I think most people now would think it was wrong to experiment on animals like what happened to the Little Brown dog, and countless other animals. Some say that there was no evidence the dog even had painkillers. I personally think that we dont need to experiment, to hurt animals, to find out ways to help people. There are now many animal rights groups worldwide, one that I like in New Zealand is SAFE, Save Animals From Experiments, they protest animal abuse of all kinds in New Zealand, and they promote vegetarianism/veganism. I've been to meetings here in Invercargill of SAFE, and I was only the second Vegan, there were a few vegetarians. I'm told in Auckland all the leaders are Vegan though.

I think that many people can agree that hurting animals is wrong, and I hope that they investigate whats done to animals for themselves. Theres a saying, you cant be a meat eating environmentalist. I hope anyone who eats animal products, and who's listened to this episode of my podcast will decide to listen to more Vegan podcats, and google for more information about animal rights.

I hope its been an interesting little toe dip into the world of Vegetarianism, and more importantly Veganism. If you want to listen to more podcasts to do with animal rights, I cannot stress just how great the NZ Vegan Podcast is, you can easily find that by searching on the iTunes Store for " N Z Vegan", Knuckles even translates her show into spanish!

Thank you very much for your time.

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, j a y w o n t d a r t @, I'd appreciate it.

Have a super happy day, bye.

<--End song You Can't Say No To A Soldier plays-->

Written for: Iceland (1942)
Lyric: Mack Gordon
Music: Harry Warren
Year: 1942
Original publisher: Twentieth Century Music Corporation, rights controlled by
Mayfair Music Corp

Listen, little lady, it's the order of the day,
Issued by the highest of authority;
Fellows in the service simply can't be turned away,
You know that defense must get priority.
So, if you're patriotic'lly inclined,
Heed the call to arms, and keep this thought in mind:

Chorus 1:

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,
If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he's not your type, then it's still o-kay,
You can always kiss him in a sisterly way,

Oh, you can't say, "No,
No, you gotta give in,
If you want him to win for you.

Chorus 2 (from movie)

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,

If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he says it's cold on those submarines,
You can knit a sweater, but that's not what he means;
Oh, you can't say, "No,"
No, no, no, no, no, no;
No, they're not made of tin,
So, you better give in

If you want him to win for you.


NZ Vegan Podcast, number one source of course!

Youtube videos what is a vegan video by Vegvideo Carl Lewis vegan video by headveg moby vegan video by epicuriousdotcom Vegan revolution video by hazelwhisper wont date meat eater gay guy gaygod wont date meat eater 2 woman by kimxxxyyy wont date veg response video by ParodyPlus

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Episode 8 Power Glove

Episode 8 Power Glove

The Awesome Nintendo Power Glove video game controller from 1989!

Episode 8 of Jay Wont dart's podcast.

The Nintendo Power Glove is by far the coolest video game controller of all time, I wouldnt waste my time doing an episode about that dumb Xbox and its huge fat controller, just the Power Glove for the ancient NES or FamiCom video game systems.

As I read this, Im wearing my very own Power Glove, that I recently bought on eBay, my one is Japanese, and came straight to me from Japan, never even taken out of the box. I'll explain this later on. Its damn hard to use the mouse with it on my right hand and typing sucks too. It does have holes in the tip, like fingerless gloves, so you can just poke the tips of your fingers out, not very noticeably, but its still horrible for typing with it on! So why am I doing this? So that some of the coolness gets passed on through my podcast, of course!

The Power Glove works as a video game controller, its really the precursor to the Nintendo Wii, same company. The Power Glove is worn on your hand, and part of your arm, it has an cornered sensor unit, that goes on the top of your television, it goes on the top and around the right side of the screen. This has sensors on it, little microphones really, and thats plugged into the NES or FamiCom game machine.

The Power Glove on your person is also connected by a wire to the machine, its not wireless like the Wii controller is.

On top of the Power Glove, it has two ultra sonic speakers, lets say they make a "ping" noise like a submarine sonar system, and the sensors that go on and around the tv pick it up and measure where its coming from. The sensors can tell roughly how the Power Glove moves, up, down, left right etc. Unlike the Wii, it doesnt know how far away the Power Glove is, it cannot measure the distance from tv to Power Glove.

In games, you could steer a car by moving your arm, held out pointing at the tv, left and right, sort of pointing the direction you wanted to go. In an Ad I'll play very soon, a Tom Cruise looking guy plays a boxing game by doing an uppercut gesture, punching up into the air to hurt the enemy.

The Power Glove even sensed your fingers, you could move your fingers into a curled position, and it could tell kinda how far, according to the Wikipedia article it could sense four positions for your four fingers, each finger being bent could be picked up and measured roughly, position 0, 1, 2 or 3. I dont think this was ever used though, but if it worked well enough, it could be that you curl one finger for the acclerator on a car, the more you curl your finger as if making a fist, the harder you supposedly step on the gas pedal.

The Power Glove is basically a glove made out of rubber and synthetic materials that goes on your arm, its close to 30 centimetres, or 12 inches for american listeners in length.

I've done so much technical describing, its time for a Power Glove ad. Its the one I mentioned with a knockoff Tom Cruise guy, not sure if Tom Cruise was well known in 1989, it would be someones first thought now, "is that tom cruise?". He walks into some tough looking warehouse, the ads set at midnight I would guess, but hes so cool and strong, he has the Power Glove to protect him from the gangs. He does some pointing and arm moving, and some punches in the ad. Enjoy!

the video says "available Summer 1990" ha.

The Power Glove is remembered in popular culture, ok, nerd culture, as being this over promoted wacky looking glove thing that didnt work like advertised. In truth, its meant to have never understood what you were trying to do, in ads you pretended to have one hand on a steering wheel, and moved left and right to steer, but in real life it seemed to have had major problems with simple movements. Only two games were ever made just for the Power Glove, one Super Glove Ball where you catch and throw a bouncing ball to break blocks, sounds cool, and "bad street brawler" ooh, sounds tough, where you punched with the Power Glove on to fight in the game. It did work with all over games though, as a novelty controller. I dont think you could really set what buttons and movements did what, you just picked a program that was closest to ok. I could be wrong there.

I decided to get a Power Glove in late 2008. I have absolutely no use for it, I dont have the Nintendo Entertainment System (called the NES normally) that the American version of Power Glove works with, or the FamiCom, (Family Computer) that my Japanese Power Glove requires. I paid a little over 100 New Zealand dollars, over a tenth of a grand for this awesome device, because its just awesome! At times you can get them in America secondhand, fresh from the attic for 20 american dollars or so, that would be about 40 New Zealand, plus shipping. I'm in New Zealand, the bottom of the world, so I will always get screwed by shipping, I did everything I could to save money, it took about six weeks to arrive, and still cost me 50 dollars, some shipping options from Japan were going to cost OVER ONE HUNDRED NEW ZEALAND DOLLARS in shipping alone! ouch.

Still, 100 dollars is what a modern video game controller costs, and they are nowhere near as cool. I've got my PS3's Dual Shock 3 controller on the desk now, it cost a little under 100, but compared to my Power Glove, it doesnt deserve to exist on the same planet as my wearable retro controller.

The cost of getting it doesnt bother me really, its just so cool, so I dont mind seeing how much money I could have saved getting a secondhand one from America if I also lived in America etc. I tried getting some secondhand American ones, because they also have an English manual, but the American sellers were, as a rule, very unhelpful with sending to another country. I'm not saying all Americans are xenophobic, and hate other countries, but the ones I were dealing with generally were not interested. Some were, most werent.

But, whats cooler, a used 20 year old american version of a Japanese product, or the real Japanese product, from Japan, in the sealed box? And they would both cost the same to me!

I've seen many fan sites to the Power Glove, but no podcast episodes, so thought I should be the first to put one up on iTunes. Theres a band who call themselves PowerGlove, they do retro game tributes, and soon there's going to be this podcast episode too.

Making an audio podcast is a bit of a shame since you cannot see what the Power Glove actually looks like, but its very easy to search for, just type in Power, leave a space, Glove, into google and you will find plenty of photos. I'm mentioning the sites I use as always in the show notes here.

I'll describe the Power Glove in detail now. On the top its made out of rubber mostly, it has segments on the fingers, and some ribbed lines where your wrist is. At the back, up your arm part, its sort of squared. On top of the Rubber are two main plastic boxes, the first at the base of your fingers, the second behind your wrist The fist part has the ultrasonic emitters, that make a sound we cannot hear. On top of that bit, the Power Glove has its name in metallic green, and the Japanese version like mine has PAX, P A X, in a circle, in the same metallic green. PAX was the company who made the Japanese version, I'll bring them up in due time.

The second box on the top has a full control pad, like any other controller for the NES or FamiCom game system. It has a direction keypad, select, start, B and A buttons. Above that it also has numbers 0-9 in two rows, and program and enter buttons. Those numeric buttons are for selecting the control program for a particular game, maybe all car racing games use program 1, all fighting games use program 2 etc. So you would tell it what kind of control setup you wanted to use for the game you were playing. Theres also the centre button, spelt cent E R in the american way, grrr! This was to focus the controller, you pointed the Power Glove at the centre of your television and pushed the centre button, so it knew where the middle of the screen was. This helped it work out what way you were moving, left of centre, up, down etc.

Those two top boxes are connected with a very short, very rugged looking cable.

Underneath, the Power Glove is spandex type material for the palm, it looks so small, but it just fits my large hand, and at the back, its got some foam blocks, best way to describe those, that sit on your arm. You strap the Power Glove around your arm at the back, and the stretchy spandex glove holds it on at the front.

I've got plenty of Power Glove clips to come up soon, including one of Video Power, a tv show about video games that I can remember watching when I was very little. Its so funny to watch it now, its incredibly dated, its like its a joke of what 1980's television looked like. The things that the host says are just so stupid, he must be so embarrassed now.

I've got a text to speech read article about a contestant who to go on Video Power, very cool.

Then theres one of the head Power Glove guys, from Nintendo I guess, he goes on to Pimp the Power Glove on the show, its a little painful to listen to, they made the Power Glove out to be so awesome, more wanted than World Peace at a Miss America pagent.

Also are a lot clips i've used from YouTube, making fun of the Power Glove.

In America, the Power Glove sold well, with around 100 000 being made by Mattel, the toy company. It was probably advertised fairly well, and Americans would have been fairly well off at the time it came out. So it could be a reward for little Jimmy getting good grades, "oh boy, a Power Glove! you're the best MOM ever! I'm going to be the coolest kid on the block when I have my Power Glove, just like that Tom Cruise look alike in the ads!"

As I mentioned though, it didnt work very well and would probably be a definite let down.

An infamous movie was made semi-starring the Power Glove itself, the movies called "The Wizard", and its about Jimmy, a young boy who's all depressed since his twin sister drowned. He likes to build things, and always carries his lunchbox with him. Jimmy gets put into a mental hospital or something, when he gets illegally rescued by his half brother Corey. The plot of The Wizard is Jimmy trying to enter a Nintendo Video Game championship held at the other end of the country, Los Angeles, and win the first prize of FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. Along the way they face troubles they have to overcome, yada yada ya. Im not making that plot up, it was a real movie!

The main villain, because hes the main competitor for Jimmy, is Lucas Barton, a grown up scary 12 or so year old, with a little gang of his peers. In the clip I'll play, you'll learn about Lucas's Power Glove, and a often remembered quote from the movie, " i love the power glove, its so bad".

I Love the Power Glove, Its so bad, great quote eh? It does get beaten by this clip though, Jimmy is going to be taken away from his new friends, oh no, hes not going to make it to the tournament, so the main girl screams and accuses the guy taking Jimmy back to the hospital of touching her.........holy shit dude! Imagine all the little girls pulling this trick after seeing it in the movie!


In the end, Jimmy gets to the championship and beats the distant third place competitor, a nerdy girl, and its just Lucas and Jimmy. Its the brand new Super Mario Brothers 3 game, its built into the wall, giant arcade machines with a 100 inch screen or something, the screen is covered by a fancy spaceship kinda doors that open. Despite the game being so brand new, that nobody would have seen it before, the crowd yell support, someone says something like "find the warp zone jimmy!" which , you guessed it, he does, and beats Lucas by a tiny amount right at the end. Lucas would have won for sure if he could have used his Power Glove.

On the way home, the kids get driven past the Cabazon Dinosaurs, they are this big tourist trap in California you should have seen before, they are in that Pee Wee Herman movie. C A B A Z O N Dinosaurs, I have the wikipedia page in the show notes, that you see by going to the lyrics to this episode.

When Jimmy sees the Dinosaurs, he starts saying "California" , he jumps out and runs to the Dinosaurs. He leaves his lunchbox inside one of the Dinosaurs, its full of pictures of his sister who died, he remembers visiting the dinosaurs with her. aaaaw, isnt it sweet?

The Wizard has all sorts of errors, things like the video game scores and points etc, not matching whats happening in the movie, the games were played by pros of course, and then the kids are just lip synching so to speak to the recorded game.

The only things really interesting about The Wizard are how bad it was, and the two quotes, " I love the powerglove, its so bad" and "arrgh! he, touched, my , breaaast!"

The Power Glove in the movie was built up to be this invincible thing when Lucas used it, it comes out of a fancy silver case, members of his little kid gang bring it over and set all the stuff up. This would make the children in the audience go nuts right, they would want a Power Glove after seeing it in the movie, thinking it would really make them as cool as Lucas.

A hillariously retro television show I remember, Video Power came up in my research for this episode. Im sure I remember Video Power, I dont remember much about it, and its weird that it was on New Zealand tv, but I really seem to remember all the little sets used and watching the show. Video Power was a video games tv show, it sounds really hard to imagine, watching people play video games, little kids, and its on international tv. But it was!

I think the whole thing was just a huge ad for the games companies, they would hype all the big video games and make kids beg their parents for them.

The host, called Johnny Arcade, he looks to be about 10 himself, but talks like a used car salesman, trying to sound confident, really cocky too. He sounds a lot like the guy who played Malcolm, from Malcolm in the middle, Frankie Muniz I think is how you say his name.

The Video Power sets were all neon lights, lots of MDF and formica desks and surfaces, its so 1980's that its hard to believe this was a real program and not some joke. Weird shapes cut out of formica, triangles and circles and stuff, and not many colours, pink, red, yellow, lots of grey, and people on the show wore highlighter coloured tops. Fluro clothing must have been the in thing!

Heres a 2 minute Power Glove clip from Video Power, at the start the guy demoing the Power Glove cant seem to get wear it comfortably, it keeps pulling it down, wiggling it, for probably 20 seconds. Listen at the very end of the clip for a REALLY funny line

"alright buds, just one more thing, if you play with drugs, you play on the losers team, see you tomorrow, thats video power" HA! I might make that into a ringtone. "a joystick made out of meat" too

This is a close to 10 minute sound file I made from a website article, hope you dont mind long clips, send me an angry email if you do, I just had to use this in its entirety, its about a guy who got the chance to actually go on Video Power as a little boy, and what he thought, and still remembers of the experience! Really amazing, in New Zealand we had the Jason Gun show, with Thingey remember kids? I tried to enter into a competition everyday after school to win a BMX.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Episode 7 1980's Highschool Movies + Mean Girls

Episode 7

80's High School movies + Mean Girls

Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Mean Girls

Hello and welcome to the seventh episode of Jay Wont dart's podcast, about high school movies from the 1980's.

I've got a very big DVD collection, I'm planning to do a few movie review episodes, I might have short reviews of 5 similar movies in each podcast episode I put up, if someone searches for the name of any movie it will show my podcast episode those movies. I might also come up with some bogus rating number from 1-5, and compare the movies to each other at the end of the episode.

First review episode though, its about movies from the 1980's, about young people stuck in the High School years, going to High School. I've got Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles and this little movie you may have heard of, called The Breakfast Club. Sound familiar?

Also getting mentioned is Mean Girls, to compare the 1980s movies to a film from 2004, I'll mention the differences, but Mean Girls is also one of my favourite movies! I'm like the second guy in the world to have seen it!

I should mention now that this podcast contains SPOILERS, I will have the Wikipedia summaries included here so you will hear about how the movies start, progress and end. This podcast is more to spread the word about these movies if you havnt seen them, and maybe help you remember if you have seen them. I always read the wikipedia article about movies before I buy the dvd, or consider seeing them at a cinema. Truth be told, its been years since Ive seen a movie in a theatre!

So, you will hear how these movies end. I will keep the bits about each movie fairly short, theres nothing really different I could tell you that you cant find online already. I do hope you will see these movies for yourself though.

Right now, I dont have any Internet access at home, its been off for two days so far, I think its from that bad weather we've had recently, its brought down a tree on the phone lines perhaps. I've been rocking back and forth, laughing for no reason, its driven me mad, my whole world is online, sure I have 200 movies to watch, classic books to read and other things, but I just want to check my email and read the news!
The simplest things in my life are so hard without the internet, I keep thinking, "oh, I'll send this to X" and then realise I don't have any way of getting it to them, what, do I make a CD and then send it to them? On the phone to my shitty internet service provider, Telecom, ugh, I hate Telecom with a passion, would never use them if I had a choice, they are just as bad as Microsoft, I've been on the phone for a few minutes short of an hour so far. They do have a kick ass phone system though, its one of those ultra modern ones where it can understand what you say to it, so it gives you the options and you say the one you want, rather than "push 1 for ....", its more like, how can I help you, switch to broadband , home phone problems.." and you say the one you want "broadband". Sometimes these systems ask you to describe the problem , it picks out phrases you say and connects you to that department, I'm blown away thinking about how it must work, the hardware being used and what the software must be doing.

You still get the person thats impossible to understand, theres a lot in the newspapers about New Zealand jobs going overseas, Telecom is training people in the Phillipines to answer the helpdesk calls, they are having to watch really bad New Zealand culture movies and music, to get a sense of who we are. They are meant to be learning our accent, and how to do it themselves, but they are way the hell off there. I feel sorry for anyone with a call centre job, if you look call centre jobs up, they are one of the worst jobs in the world, hundreds, maybe thousands of people stuffed into one building, each person has a cubicle a metre square, with a 20 dollar MDF desk, a 10 dollar corded phone, a windows computer and if they are lucky they even have a chair! If New Zealanders want to get paid more than 5 cents a day doing this job, then it will just go to people overseas who will do it for even less, just to have a job. I do feel terrible for people with these jobs, I try and be as nice as possible to them on the phone, "thank YOU PERSONALLY for YOU'RE time HELPING ME, I hope YOU have a nice day" even when they sucked and I couldnt make out what they were saying.

They get told to pick up you're name, "and who is calling?" they say, "Jordan" I tell them, then its all "well JORDAN, what im doing is this JORDAN, you see JORDAN", its like they are computer replacing "" with a recording of you after you said you're name, hmm, I might have to think up a program to do that, the phone starts recording just after it asks for your name, records for 2 seconds, and then plays that back each time it talks to you.

I'd been unplugging things and doing all sorts of crazy little acts, I think they love making people on the other side of the world do stupid things. If they had just told me there was an outage in my area, it would have saved a huge amount of time, I'd been on the phone for over 40 minutes straight. Then I get asked "is there anything else I can help you with?" as if they want me on the phone literally all day. Its just a routine for them, they might talk to 100 New Zealanders with the same 5 problems each day. I feel so sorry for them, wish I could swap lives for a day just to give them a break.

So I'm going insane from lack of Engadget and fresh new podcast episodes, I still havnt heard this latest "This Week in Tech" and the new weekly episode will be out in a couple days! But I do have my movies to watch, and so I'll plan this episode now.

Update to my script, no internet for 5 days, and then I finally got a contractor to go about looking for the fault, turns out that when some Telecom ISP hardware was changed around, they didnt plug in a tiny jumper the size of a piece of corn, and because of that, I didnt get any internet!

Ooh, but to make it right Telecom offered TEN DOLLARS in compensation, ten bucks, for 5 days of absolute pain! I mean, I spent hours on the phone alone, and the rest of my time was spent rocking back and forth in tears! Ten measly bucks man, thats crap, they told us if they did a line check and they didnt find a problem on their end, then we would be charged 80 dollars, thats for wasting 2 hours of their time, I had to go 5 days and get 10 bucks?

Damn telecom, no wonder I'm so pro Vodafone. I instantly like people better if I find they have Vodafone cellphones, did you know that in just a few years all Telecom phones will stop working? Its true, they are changing technology to the same kinds of phones that Vodafones been using from pretty much day one. I guess that means that all the money Telecom spent over the last decade odd is for nothing, if theres nothing going to use it? Maybe some of the 3G stuff will be able to use it still, I dont know. It seems that they picked CDMA over the worldwide standard GSM, and didnt want to back down while GSM took over the whole world apart from South Korea, some of America, and New Zealand really. It would be like going against the Metric system.

I did get my internet back on in time to be on my friend Knuckle's podcast, the NZ Vegan Podcast, if you search for " NZ Vegan" you will find it easily in iTunes. Episode 11 has me as a special guest which was pretty exciting.

On topic now, 1980's High School Movies.

Movies describing "teenage angst", their words, not mine, are very common. Movies from the 1980's have a style of their own, and so deserve special mention. Lots of movies from the 1970s and 1980s had a hell of a lot to do with sex, here in New Zealand the channel called C4, designed for those youngsters plays old movies often. Its sort of to make fun of how bad they were mostly, a lot of really crappy kinda movies get put on. They also repeat, so they have a list of 50 movies say and then they mix up the order again. Its sort of "hey look at these funny old movies with classic scenes, lets laugh at how big cellphones were, no 3G networks here sonny, wow, look at the hairstyles and how bad practical special effects were". A lot of the jokes are incredibly lame to my modern ears.

Despite being mostly crap movies, I've seen some real gems I had to buy off TradeMe, a New Zealand eBay kinda website. The ones I'm talking about in a few minutes are all semi-forgotten movies, that all deserve to be classics. People of a certain age remember them and probably love them, but without C4 showing these kind of movies, I myself wouldnt have seen most of them.

Most highschool movies have a really tired plot, theres a bunch of young people, they want to have sex and party wooooooooo, theres parents being really strict and some grouchy old principal or whatever they are called in America, is that what "Dean" means, you know the drill. Theres lots of chase scenes and "quick, we have to get home, or clean up the house, before our parents arrive". Ugh, it makes me feel dirty talking about these plots.

But, the movies I'm talking about, they are all awesome. Im doing these movies in the order they came out.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

First up, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, released in 1982, same as Michael Jackson's Thriller, best album ever. Sadly, no MJ is used, just things like "Oingo Boingo", the band Danny Elfman was in, he made The Simpsons Theme and has done the scores of a few famous movies like Edward Scissorhands, I might do an episode about Scissorhands.

Major soundtrack highlights, in the movie at least it uses Kashmir, a famous Led Zeppelin song. In the movie another song by the group is mentioned instead, the producers couldnt get the rights to the album they wanted, so used Kashmir instead. Im not a rock person, but everyone will recognise Led Zeppelin, Kashmir.

Also, "somebodys baby" by Jackson Browne, thats an amazing song.

The plot of Fast Times is the whole "its difficult growing up these days" thing. To me, the movie doesnt seem very modern in a few ways, it feels like it belongs in the glory days of america more than the 1980's, just the whole diner scenes, and the school etc, a main character has a really old 1950-ish car. It doesnt have many ultra modern for the 1980's things in the movie. Just my feeling from watching it.

Heres the summary from the Wikipedia article

< fast times wikipedia article read aloud>

Fast Times was controversial at the time of its release for sex scenes and it showed a main character waiting for an Abortion. That scene was cut out, you see her going in and things like that, a nurse talking to her a little bit at the end, and she comes out, it was going to show more graphic stuff apparently? It does have nudity which is kinda gross in Teen movies I think, these are young actors, they shouldnt be naked when they are 25 year olds playing 15 year olds, actors are hardly ever the age they play! So every movie an actress ever makes after her first, which has a nude scene, then shes going to be compared to it and lots of people have seen her naked dude! They should wait until they are ultra famous for that, then the Womens Magazines will pay millions for the rights to show the photos! Dont just hand it out for free in some low budget porno! Maybe they should save it up till they've been making movies for decades, and are 60, then people will really want to seem them naked right?

Being honest, I dont see how you could have a movie showing an abortion on camera, it would just be too weird. Feel free to email me if you have seen one in a movie,

So the Right Wing conservatives hated this movie for the Abortion, and the general loose sex in the plot. I hate that kinda stuff too, I think women should be more protective of themselves and I generally hate movies with easy actresses. It shouldnt just be "whoops, I forgot to take The Pill this morning, guess I'll go get a free abortion paid for by tax payers, I'll have some 60 year old doctor put a vacuum cleaner up my holiest of holies and scramble the brains of my child, that takes care of my problems, much easier than not being a whore", ugh.

Also, the sex scenes by the pool were pretty intense, even by todays standards I would guess. I still love this movie, its so kinda camp I guess, it feels so old fashioned that I like it. Fast Times has been referenced in Family Guy, Scrubs and other major tv shows, mostly to do with the weird teachers, or the bikini scene, I'll let you find out about the infamous pool scenes for yourself.

Fast Times rating, 4 out of 5. A definite classic that's almost been lost, and now a Cult Classic.

Sixteen Candles

Sixteen Candles is 1984 film featuring Molly Ringwald, and Anthony Michael Hall, two of "The Brat Pack", they were a bunch of young actors who worked together in 1980s movies, these two are also in The Breakfast Club. 1984 is my favourite year, it just sounds so cool, its retro being in the 80's but also futuristic, it sounds retro high tech I guess is what I mean there. I love the book 1984, if Knuckles is listening, I figured out that Skype has a few quotes from 1984 in the settings ha, I was wondering who these people were in the chat bit.

I hate the ending part with The Geek "taking home" the hot guys girlfriend in the hot guys dads rolls royce. Ugh, thats just gross.
The Hot dream guy's name is Jake Ryan, he is still used as a famous movie character, being the epitome of hot guys. Man, his fathers so rich he drives a Rolls Royce, I mean, who wouldnt want to be with him? In the show notes, you can see them in the lyrics bit of this episode, I've got a link to a funny article about grown women who still love Jake Ryan today. If I ever change my name, I think Jake Ryan has a good image already built up, its a good choice no?

Showing the movies age, The Geek wants a bunch of floppy disks, probably those old things that hold 1.44 MEGABYTES of stuff on each big plastic disk. Not much, considering the computer I'm using now has a 500GB main drive, thats 500 thousand Megabytes, and my Playstation 3 has a Blu Ray drive, some Blu Ray discs hold 50GB on a single disc now.

The most memorable parts that are unique about Sixteen Candles are to do with Long Duk Dong, the asian exchange student. Soon I'll play some audio from an NPR american public radio article about Dong. Basically, its about how awful a stereotype of asian people he was, its kinda hurts to watch Sixteen Candles when hes on, hes so stupid as a stereotype, its offensive.

I love how he starts off so innocent, hes living with the main character Sam's grandparents as an exchange student. He shows up Sam by managing to get a girlfriend almost instantly, when she is having such problems with the guy she secretly loves.

Near the end of the movie we find out how drunk Long Duk Dong can get, he transforms into some giggling drunk who just does bizarre things for the rest of the movie, his appearances are a bit like a really funny cameo in otherwise boring scenes.

Heres the NPR Story.

3.5 out of 5, it does have awesome moments but a lot of fairly average stuff in between.

Just want to mention, Im watching a really funny Malcolm In The Middle episode, its one of my favourite tv shows. In this one, the child genius Malcolm is in hospital about to have surgery, he really hates it in there. In one scene, its the middle of the night when all these scary doctors burst in and start putting one of those head cage things on his head, to hold everything still in place for bone setting or an operation. They start drawing a line on his forehead, and one says something like "stay still so Mr Laser can do his job", Its so funny. Then, one checks his info sheet, and realising its the wrong patient, they take off the cage getup and leave, not before one of them turns and says "sssshhhhhh!" to him.

In the morning, complaining to his parents , he mentions it, "and they put a cage on my head and were going to operate on my brain!", his mum tells him it must have been some kind of nightmare.

Reminds me of when I was in hospital for a broken wrist, I was in with a guy in the emergency room who had snapped his thumb off somehow, i couldnt look at the thumb or anything because I feel sick with things like that. For a broken wrist, I had to have my whole arm, my whole arm, stuck in a white plaster cast, the thing weighed more than I did. When I got it operated on, they put me under, I woke up with it on and wearing the hospital garb, those green sheet clothing things made from paper and plastic. Mine was far too small, it didnt do up at the back at all, I was wearing this tiny paper thing, and my underpants, that was it. I had to stay on my bed, the whole childrens ward was heated to like 40 degrees for the elderly and sick people, I spent all the time just sweating and trying to cover my back with the paper sheet gown. I asked for an american newspaper, I figured a hospital might have all those really fancy newspapers, like a Wall Street Journal or something, or a Time magazine. The orderly guy gave me some kinda "ill see what I can do" before he came back with some fold out Titanic kids book other things for little children.

There was also a TV, but they couldnt find a remote for it, nothings on during the day so I kept it off.

I couldnt sleep during day or night, there was nothing to do, so during the night time when it was quiet, I would walk around, underpants showing at the back, looking at the fish in a big tank. While I had to suffer, the kid in a room behind mine, they had to go through my room to get to it, he was getting playstations and dvds brought to him. One thing was some huge container of lollies, it must have been kilograms of lollies, I think it was in the shape of a teddy bear or something. Boo hoo, the kids dying of cancer, so everything in the whole hospital had to be taken to him, he had all his family going through my room night and day, while I had to pretend to sleep for 24 hours a day. NOTHING to do.

Hospitals are always pretty weird places.

The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club came out in 1985, but was shot during 1984 my favourite year.

TBC is probably the best known teen flick ever, it's the archetype of all future movies about high school. It sort of defines the stock characters that show up in other movies, the nerd, the bully, the outcast, they are all here. Also the supporting characters like the Principle, and one of my favourite characters, the janitor. He has some awesome little lines, both to the students, and to the principal, as the principal admits kids these days are getting out of control.

Many scenes from The Breakfast Club are very famous, you've probably seen them a lot of times on TV on the usual suspects, like The Simpsons, Family Guy etc. A lot have stuff to do with the bully throwing up his fist at the end, as the credits roll.

Then theres this line, you might have heard Bart Simpson use it a few times

in 2005, the cast were reunited at an MTV awards show. All the cast is there apart from The Athelete who couldnt make it, and The Bully who was at the awards show but left for some unknown reason. Heres the audio, its pretty quiet really, sorry. Turn up the volume and turn it down after the clip if it bothers you.

The Breakfast Club is one of my all time favourite movies, it does show its age but it IS a bona fide classic. Many of the cast members would love to do a sequel, I'd love to imagine it would be awesome, one idea is that its set in University, and all the cast are in trouble again, but then thats kinda lame, it would be like The Police Academy movies where they just keep making stupid sequels.

5 out of 5

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

A 1986 movie, one year before I was born in 1987.

The main character Ferris is pretty weird, he has such a rich and loving family, and doesnt ever really appreciate it. His room is filled with really expensive stuff, he has a synthersizer thing that I read about years ago online from someone commenting on the movie, at the time this movie came out, that audio gear would have been worth like ten thousand bucks or something, it was really really expensive stuff, why would a kid get it? Also all the things he can do on his computer, its typical of old 80s movies, that computers can do anything. I guess its from the glory days of America, going to space and all, of course technology is magic, and smart americans using smart american technology can do anything they set their minds to.

The audio gear gets shown off when Ferris stays at home pretending to be sick, it plays this well known little tune from different cough samples.

All throughout Ferris' room, he has gadgets hes made up to help him with his pranks. He has some weird mannequin thing that works together with the audio gear to make it seem like hes in bed snoring, and moaning a little, enough to fool his parents

I like Camron, the more conservative friend, he does some funny voices in the movie to fool people over the phone, I like this clip.

I'd give Ferris Bueller's Day Off 4 out of 5. Its a very good movie, but has some bits I found dull. The last bit before the credits with the Principal is awesome, and that "oh yeah" dah dah dah" song that Duffman uses. The songs actual name is "oh yeah", surprising huh, by a swiss band Yello, it became famous from being in this movie. After the credits there's a hidden message from Ferris telling the audience the movies over, and to go home, I watch it everytime but its a little disappointing, I'd rather he had something funny and positive to say there, rather than telling us to scram.

Mean Girls

The last movie I'll mention here is Mean Girls.

I'm the only guy to have ever seen Mean Girls, in the history of the world. I love lots of things about it, its written by Tina Fey, shes on Saturday Night Live, she can do an awesome impersonation of Sarah Palin, and she writes and is featured in 30 Rock, I love that show.

Lindsay Lohan plays the main character Cady, its one of those movies when a hot actor plays a nerdy unattractive person, and by the end of the movie they have gotten confident and had a makeover, BOOM now they are sexy as hell, in the words of Paul Homes*.

Here she plays one of the Teachers at the school, its fun to watch and realise that shes given herself a fairly small supporting role that gets to coach the main characters, she will have written practically all the lines they have.

I often say to my girlSPACEfriends that we should get together and do a Mean Girls ladies night, I've watched it once with my cousin, and it was great.

I love everything to do with "The Plastics", they make North Invercargill people look positively South Invercargill in comparison to all the mansions and convertibles they have. One of the mothers is really funny, she tries so hard to fit in with her daughters friends, and has had some weird plastic surgery that you can feel when you hug her?

Something I didnt notice watching Mean Girls, Regina, the main bad character, she puts on weight through the movie, she actually has padding around her to make her look fat. She puts on more and more layers, I never noticed.

I find Cady's friends pretty annoying when I rewatch Mean Girls, they are so negative all the time. The stereotypical gay guy, "nearly too gay to function", sadly reminded me of myself at highschool. I always thought of myself as a Jock, not after watching Mean Girls.

I love lots of things in Mean Girls, so many really funny lines, it seems so "modern" compared to other movies, not sure how to describe that. Many of the 1980's movies mention bands and movies at the time, you can tell from hairstyles when the movie was made. I wonder how Mean Girls will seem old fashioned in a decade or two, it doesnt really refference popular culture that much.

I'd give Mean Girls 4 out of 5, for a chick flick its fine for guys to watch, and has some killer jokes. It does have just as many stereotype characters that dont do much, but Tina Fey more than makes up for it.

Thank you for listening to my 1980's High School Movie episode. I plan to do more movie review episodes in future, feel free to make suggestions to me below, I'd love to get an email from everyone who listens just so I can tell how many listeners I have, and from where in the world you listen to my podcast!

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, j a y w o n t d a r t @, I'd appreciate it.

Have a super happy day, bye.

<--End song You Can't Say No To A Soldier plays-->

Written for: Iceland (1942)
Lyric: Mack Gordon
Music: Harry Warren
Year: 1942
Original publisher: Twentieth Century Music Corporation, rights controlled by
Mayfair Music Corp

Listen, little lady, it's the order of the day,
Issued by the highest of authority;
Fellows in the service simply can't be turned away,
You know that defense must get priority.
So, if you're patriotic'lly inclined,
Heed the call to arms, and keep this thought in mind:

Chorus 1:

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,
If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he's not your type, then it's still o-kay,
You can always kiss him in a sisterly way,

Oh, you can't say, "No,
No, you gotta give in,
If you want him to win for you.

Chorus 2 (from movie)

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,

If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he says it's cold on those submarines,
You can knit a sweater, but that's not what he means;
Oh, you can't say, "No,"
No, no, no, no, no, no;
No, they're not made of tin,
So, you better give in

If you want him to win for you.



IMDB ( )

Movie Wavs ( ) for the sound clips

Sixteen Jake Ryan ( )

sixteen candles long duk dong NPR article ( )

TBC Sound Clips ( )

TBC MTV Awards Show 2005 clip found on Youtube

Paul Homes "...its as sexy as hell", something he said on air when visiting a massage parlor"

Mean Girls clips ( )

Monday, March 2, 2009

Episode 6 South Invercargill


Episode 6 South Invercargill

Welcome to the sixth episode of Jay Wont dart's podcast. This episode is about where I live, South Invercargill. I'll start off with a rap song to set the tone. I hate New Zealand hip hop, heres some real stuff right here, songs called The 3rd World by Immortal Technique, hes an independent rapper over in America, half black half peruvian. I heard this song on Adam Curry's Daily Source Code podcast, sounded so awesome I went and paid a dollar 79 cents to buy it on iTunes, even though I had a high quality copy already! You've got to support the artists people! I got permission to use the song here, if you like it, its less than two dollars to buy from iTunes.

<3rd world song plays>

Thats a way better song than anything Savage or those other cock knockers have put out, and they get to number 1 here. That song should have been on Grand Theft Auto 4, the music was shit in that game, I dont know how it could have been that bad. Green Lantern hosted a radio station on that, hes a famous rap producer, works with 50 cent and Eminem and all that, he mixed that Immortal Technique song I started with.

I love this part of the song,

On No Agenda Adam Curry mentioned Gardasil, a HPV immunisation drug, to help prevent cervical cancer. Its here in New Zealand, up till about 18 girls get the three injections of Gardasil for free.

Well, the injections cost a few hundred dollars apparently, damn expensive for the government to pick up the tab, just like that breast cancer, herceptin bullshit, dont get me started, these drugs have caused all kinds of sickness, and apparently even death. In Holland people wont touch it. So according to Adam Curry, not only do girls in Holland get it free, apparently they get a FREE iPod too, to encourage them to get the injections, they get a free iPod!!!!!! Wikipedia says that three injections of Gardasil cost 700 new zealand dollars in America. So, lets assume its 700 dollars here too, thats bullshit. Lets say the iPod is worth 300 bucks, then Dutch girls get a thousand bucks free. I havnt actually found any site saying about the dutch getting iPods too, my only source on that one was from the Daily Source Code podcast.

Charity medicine my ass, guys never get anything! On one of the many NZ sites "one for the girls, theres an answered question "can boys get vaccinated?

* This free immunisation programme is not available to boys. This may be reconsidered later (cough bullshit)
* Boys wishing to get vaccinated can do so through their doctor or practice nurse at a cost." Yeah, so a guy can get these injections of weird stuff IF he pays 700 bucks.....and a girl gets paid 700 bucks, on the taxpayer.... Remind me again why feminists complain ? Canada spent almost $470 million NZD on Gardasil in 2008, our government must be spending at least 10 million on it lets imagine, maybe a hundred million. Remember when Labour didnt want to spend 100 million on my fighter jets? Those were something everyone would enjoy, girls AND boys could have watched me doing stunts over rugby games.

Maybe thats another episode.

I've totally gone off topic.

So, this episode is about the hardest hood of them all, South Invercargill!

I've got a few sound clips to play, read by the computer again, poll results and comments people have left on the page. Then I have the first part of a South Invercargill rap, and a comment Tim Shadbolt, Invercargill Mayor said about being scared walking the streets of "central Invercargill", I think he means South Invercargill.

I'll let you into a secret, the purpose of this podcast episode is to drum up some support for my idea to get the moderator, myself, a Lamborghini. You know, for promotional purposes, put us on the map,It'll show people on the benefit you can get ahead in life, something like that. Only $400,000 left to raise, maybe another 800 on top of that for a personalised plate saying "S I N G LL" which could be read South Invercargill or as in Single, a fitting plate for a pimp. So dig deep! The person who gives the most gets to keep the leather interior, I dont want that, Super Cheap has some good seatcovers that didnt kill an animal, I'll buy those as my contribution towards my Lamborghini.

Later on, theres a North vs South section, designed to help people work out what part of town they're in.

Something I'm really impressed by, a fight on Esk street with the Mongrel Mob got recorded and played on an American tv show about crime, you know those Police video shows? I think the video was taken down from Youtube, but I saved a copy for myself and will play the audio from it.

I'll start off with some differences between North and South Invercargill. North Invercargill is home to two kinds of people, millionaires and billionaires. Most people in South Invercargill are a paycheck away from being homeless.

Featured North Invercargill suburbs.

Windsor is more english than England, lots of old ladies with little dogs, Suzukis and Dhiahatsu's that scuttle about on errands. These Great Grandmas complain that the nothing is done to make their lives easier. It must be so freaking hard to get up before the birds, go into town, spend an hour in Windsor New World to get 10 items, and hop into bed before 3PM.

Grasmere hasnt changed in decades, still a perfect place to raise little know it all children. Kids in grasmere can actually feel safe walking to school alone.

Rosedale, everyones a billionaire, at christmas time all the neighbours compete to see who can spend the most on christmas decorations, robotic singing and dancing santas are now the norm. The streets of Rosedale are cleaned 10 times a day by street sweepers, and theres often ice cream vans. Rosedale has quite a few mansions being built for rich people, indeed the Beverly Hills of Invercargill, just without a Playboy Mansion (as far as I know).

Glengarry. Perhaps one part of the North that belongs further south, Glengarry is nothing but a cancer thats grabbed ahold of vital organs and seems to be both terminal and inoperable. If there is a God, even He couldnt clean up Glengarry's act. Council house's, Crack House's, P house's, Gang Houses...... To put it in context, Glengarry is almost HALF as shitty a place to live as Bluff.

Featured South Invercargill Suburbs

Ah Clifton, "A higher Place" in more ways than one, apart from the obvious pot smoking, its also geographically more elevated than most of Invercargill.
Clifton can boast the Sewage treatment facilities, where poo of all colours ends up as a thick brown sludge in giant open tanks. Next to this, is a "wool scour", where dirty sheep wool goes to get cleaned. Both these facilities give off one hell of a smell, its been covered for a long time in The Southland Times paper about Clifton residents complaining. Word from the council, .

Kew is pretty much right beside Clifton, and gets to share the poo smell. If Windsor is heaven, then Kew is Hell, lots of old people, with nothing to do but wait for the morgue, conveniently the hospital is metres away.

Appleby is known for gang hideouts and the Appleby Tavern, people walk in and are wheeled out in a bag.

Heidelberg is on the edge of Invercargill, lots of rural folk who have not yet been civilised live on the outskirts. Strange and scary people who have no option but to go to Aurora College, original School of Hard Knocks. Aurora gets low student passing rates, when the NCEA results are released in the newspaper, the principal will comment that the school is working hard and has leapt ahead of last years results. Despite the principals comments, Aurora students always seem to fail more than the national average, especially noticable in the last year of school, where it seems 1 person in 10 will actually pass the course. Aurora students go on to live in Glengarry.

Many worldly scholars argue about the details, is Windsor really that stuck up, is Glengarry really that terrifying, and even the dividing line between North and South is not always agreed upon. Some say Tweed Street splits the city, others the railway. The correct answer is of course Tay Street, EVERYONE should know that its Tay street, Tay is Shakespearian english for "De militarized zone", a no mans land between the two warring factions. Anyone who says otherwise was not born in Invercargill and is full of shit.

To sum up some differences,

Cars are another big difference, not many really nice cars in South Invercargill, its mostly those trah-bant cars from East Germany, they have two stroke engines with a total displacement thats 60% of a litre, 600cc. These classy old girls take a majestic 20 seconds to get to 100 kilometres per hour, top speed is about 112, thats enough for overtaking. Sure they put out a hell of a lot of smoke, thats why Appleby way is covered with smog, but they only use 7 litres per 100 kilometres which is pretty good. None have original tyres, most are those space saver tyres that are meant to get you to a tyre shop to buy proper tyres, but here they just stay on.

South Invercargill's a bit like the Cuba of the Southern Hemisphere, lots of 50 year old cars everywhere you look.

Sometimes I think my dream Lamborghini's just a bit unrealistic. Then I tell myself I'm worth it, and that my loyal listeners will pull through with that four hundred K.

Being serious for moment, I've never seen that many exotic cars down south. In North Invercargill I've seen both modern and classic Porsches, Ferraris and Lamborghinis. Never any past tweed street, except for a Ferrari 430 coming back up the Bluff Highway, maybe they were doing some kind of photoshoot for a car magazine in Bluff, a Ferrari with all the oyster boats maybe? My rich friend up north, he drives an BMW M3, and his flatmate a Mercedes. Apparently thats the norm around Waikiwi.

Southland Girls High school has an announcement sign outside,the letters get moved around all the time, its amazing what people come up with.
Slogans on the sign say
"Southland Girls High School at the top, and A Southland Girls High School girl today, a woman of the future tomorrow ". In between it has the announcements.

Two photos on my South Invercargill page show it saying " and another time
Makes it sound like all these girls are growing up to be hookers. Thank the labour government for making prostitution legal, on my block there used to be TWO whore houses that I knew about, one was advertised all the time, the other was behind my house, my friends saw it late one night with all kinds of lights in the window, and they say there was a guy peeping through a window. At the moment im pissed off that creepy old men are ringing my home phone every night, The Southland Times screwed up printing an ad for hookers, one of these escort agencies has a number pretty much identical to my number, we often get calls from old perverts too horny to dial the correct number, but this time the paper actually put MY phone number in the paper instead of the brothels. So gross, and the creeps get embarrassed. One tonight rang back 10 minutes later after I explained what had happened.

Heres some comments from the bebo group.

I put a link up to a so called "gang fight" up on the group page, I found it searching on Youtube for Invercargill. Dammit, it seems to have been taken off YouTube, I still have a saved copy on my computer anyway, I save videos from YouTube. You copy the address of that video that you want, and go to and put it in there, it gives you the download link in either .flv or .mp4 files. .MP4 is much better, easier to use, you can put it straight on your iPod and it will play.

I've been told about what happened, it was a fight between a bunch of people, it was much longer than whats in the clip and there were weapons. Only a few people fighting were mongrel mob gang members wearing gang clothes. It was all outside Jay Jays on esk street, there were people sitting about watching. The police step in and whack the people fighting, the video doesnt really show the police locking them up, it shows footage of a mongrel mob guy getting taken away in handcuffs and a shot outside the Invercargill court house.

The clip of the gang fighting is so funny, listen to the american announcers voice.

Awesome, hard to believe a video from Esk Street Invercargill ended up on an american police show.

I asked for a South Invercargill theme song, this is whats been done on so far.

Desmond came up with part of a South Invercargill theme song, imagine it with some fly gangster beats.

South Invercargill, looking for a riot,
watch out or you'll get beaten by a pimp just like J Wyatt,
I see Michael Jackson telling kids to be quiet,
too many fish and chip shops, go on a diet.

After smoking some Tweed Street, I've come up with another verse.

Try before you buy it,
clothes from the salvation army,
dressed for a demolition derby,
cant afford a P S P so I'm
rocking out with my gameboy,
kicking it with kirby,

fuck white and nerdy, when a computer can flow like this its dirty.
while northern ladies can be purty,
those clifton bitches sure are flirty,
I hope their pimp doesn't hurt me,
sex so unclean, afterwards it'll turn green G,
think next time before it burns when you pee

That was my little attempt at being a rap producer. Since you liked that so much, heres some real "nerdcore" rap, hip hop using an artificial voice. The artist is "MC Hawking", what Stephen Hawking would sound like if he rapped.

Guess the sample

That song samples The Jackson 5, ABC.

See, I'm not the only one who says "wick-a-ped-ia" instead of "wicky-pedya"

and finally a full M C Hawking song, GTA3, listen to the sounds.

Enough song clips?

Some comments from,

Ha, it said " iffin street" instead of Ythan street.

Not all comments are positive, I've had a few haters send stuff in, one of the ones I kept and put up on the page was from this fat lady who calls herself Trinity, she was all pissed off about something. I have absolutely no idea where she got all her rant from, she seemed to think I was some short rich North Invercargill kid who was making fun of South Invercargill. So she had to defend South Invers by talking about South City mall being a happening place, and about the floods that happened like 25 years ago?


I had a poll asking people what could be done to make South Invercargill a better place to live, here are the results.

I saw in The Southland Times about racism being out of control here, I looked into what Tim Shadbolt, Invercargill Mayor had to say. The story was about Indian S.I.T students not feeling safe in Invercargill, being picked on for looking different, like wearing a turban.

Even the Mayor doesnt feel safe here. I reckon we need to officially split Invercargill in half, and have two mayors. Some liberal idiot running the north bit, make all the old ladies in Windsor happy, and I'd get control of South Invercargill. My first act would be to hire some Germans to build a wall down Tay Street, maybe it could be in the centre plot, with two lanes for the south and two lanes for the north, impenetrable wall in between.

I'd get the bums off the benefit, zero unemployment, as I'd need lots of guards to patrol our side of the wall and keep Richie Rich out. Then there'd be the re-education camps, where people would be indoctrinated about how to live like a real Southern Man. My friend Allison teaches little kids, so I've signed her up to be headmaster of the camps, shes already used to teaching at a 5 year olds level.

I dont ask for much in compensation, I'd already own an entire half of a city, with 25 thousand people in my command. Just as long as I'm revered as "Dear Leader", I'd gladly accept $1 a year like Steve Jobs, with bonuses such as the Lamborghini and a $50 million US dollar Gulfstream G5 private jet, fuel costs for both being met by southern ratepayers. I reckon that would pretty much take up all our GDP, but dont worry as the UN will bring in emergency supplies as the famine strikes. So all health care will be diverted from African nations to Appleby, rations will be handed out daily from UN security forces, and every second day you'll even get to use your car, assuming you havnt pawned it off for luxury goods like toilet paper and bread.

My North Korean and Chinese forefathers realized how intellectuals are the scum of the earth, so we'd have to make sure we locked up everyone with glasses,and all books would be gathered up, being burnt for warmth. When the fire's started to die down, we'd throw on high school graduates.

Maybe North Invercargill rich people will pay a dollar a day to sponsor starving kids on Teviot street?

Yes, I've got everything worked out, the dirty unwashed hordes will gladly kneel before me as I drive past the UN food handouts in "our" Lambo. At the end of this episode, you'll hear the national anthem of The Peoples Republic of South Invercargill, to be chanted every day when the bell atop St Marys basillica rings, its about respecting Dear Leader and why he deserves all the women.

Hey, not everyones going to be thrilled by my plans to skim 99% of the money to spend on myself, I know that, but would you rather have Tim Shadbolt with his Purple Circle Bus's and that old Lada, or a Malevolent dictator, me, with my Lamborghini, paid for through your blood and sweat, fueled by your tears? You made the right decision, comrade.

Make sure you check out my bebo group, Its got about 800 members, if I can get 1000 members, then thats 1 in 25 people from South Invercargill in my group! Thats assuming theres 50 thousand in Invers total, splitting that north and south for 25 thousand each.

Thank you for listening, I'd love to hear your comments, if I get enough replies, especially recorded comments I can use, then I might put those replies up in future episodes.

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, j a y w o n t d a r t @, I'd appreciate it.

Have a super happy day, bye.

End song You Can't Say No To A Soldier plays

Written for: Iceland (1942)
Lyric: Mack Gordon
Music: Harry Warren
Year: 1942
Original publisher: Twentieth Century Music Corporation, rights controlled by
Mayfair Music Corp

Listen, little lady, it's the order of the day,
Issued by the highest of authority;
Fellows in the service simply can't be turned away,
You know that defense must get priority.
So, if you're patriotic'lly inclined,
Heed the call to arms, and keep this thought in mind:

Chorus 1:

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,
If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he's not your type, then it's still o-kay,
You can always kiss him in a sisterly way,

Oh, you can't say, "No,
No, you gotta give in,
If you want him to win for you.

Chorus 2 (from movie)

You can't say, "No," to a soldier,
A sailor or a handsome marine;
No, you can't say, "No," if he wants to dance,

If he's gonna fight, he's got a right to romance;
So, get out your lipstick and powder,
Be beautiful and dutiful, too.
If he says it's cold on those submarines,
You can knit a sweater, but that's not what he means;
Oh, you can't say, "No,"
No, no, no, no, no, no;
No, they're not made of tin,
So, you better give in

If you want him to win for you.