Friday, February 13, 2009

Episode 1 Real Introduction

Episode 1 Introduction

Hi listeners, I'm really nervous to be saying this, it takes a hearty drink to get someone self important enough to think people care what they say, I'm sipping Invercargill's finest tap water right now. Its packed with Fluoride which my grandma is against, she says Hitler used Fluoride to brainwash people..... I hope you liked my first test episode, zero, as read by my mac. I love that synthetic voice so much, if I get enough complaints about my annoying voice, then I'll gladly defer to the Machine. I left a couple mistakes in there because it sounds so funny when the voice speaks, like saying "breath" instead of "breeve", its spelt the same.

This episode of my podcast is just a quick introduction to me, Jay Wont dart, and in the future I plan to be talking about things that I like, animals, computers, movies etc. Sort of like the Tank Riot podcasts, except I'm not nearly as nerdy as those guys, they all sound like Comic Book Guy in The Simpsons or something.

Some of the stuff I talk about will be pretty different, but you could always only download episodes you are actually interested in, skipping the stuff about bugs, or computers or whatever you dont want to hear about. I emailed Adam Curry, "The Podfather", and he said he was cool if I used clips from his shows in mine. I love No Agenda, one of his main podcasts, where he and John C Dvorak talk politics, they both have been in the mainstream media for decades so they have a very slick podcast. I like emailing famous people, I've emailed Steve Wozniak, the co founder of Apple, Ill talk about him in another episode, Yuri Gellar, the guy whos known for claiming to bend spoons with his mind, hes regarded as a fake at the moment but hes been world famous for decades, should be a household name, he replied to my message on his Blackberry which is kinda cool, he answers strange emails all day and night on his cellphone!

Before I mention it, I pronounce my favourite online fact source "wick a ped ia", americans seem to say "wicky pedya" which sounds kinda nuts to me, like some kind of funky peanut butter from Kenya. Just like the whole "Alu minny yum" vs "a loom in num "debacle.

I'd like to look at some of my favourite Wikipedia articles and read what I like about them, the Tank Riot guys seem to just pick a topic, "ooh lets do Albert Einstein", and then read the Wikipedia article aloud, sometimes I'll catch them reading sentences word for word which is really funny, would be cool if they read something I'd added myself!

Making this podcast is pretty weird at the start, theres all these different websites and things going on, how I record it and send it to one place and then another place takes that information and updates something else and then that something else informs iTunes to let people know about the new episode at the first place.... confusing, but I hope I'll get used to it soon. I'm hoping that my podcast picture is showing up fine, one of my friends was having trouble with a podcast, getting it to show the picture in iTunes. The picture I've chosen is one I took of a Dragonfly outside my house, its not a very good picture really, its all busy and cluttered looking, but I like the Dragonfly itself at least. I dont have any good graphics tools, I did it in a Microsoft Paint like program, actually a couple of them to do different parts, makes me wish I had Paint on my Mac a bit :) Not really, ha, Im just used to Paint having used it for like a decade. (maybe have computer voice butt in) , But Jay, windows cannot make cool artificial voices that make James Bond sound like a dork:)

So I'll probably have a Dragonfly episode coming up, as well as Damselflies, Praying Mantis, which you are meant to say "Praying Mantids" apparently for the plural, they are all my favourite insects. I like all animals really, not so fond of dogs now actually because they bite and make a mess etc, that speech in Pulp Fiction about what dogs eat kinda made me back away from them a bit ha! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to have little clips from movies in here, other podcasts do it, but if I use copyrighted music like a song, then I might get sued etc by the RIAA, Recording Industry Association of America, they are the guys who put copying warnings on cds, the movie equivilant guys put those dumb ass "you wouldnt steal a car" unskipable trailers on DVDS up. Thats something that always gets me mad, that people who pay good money for things are ALWAYS the one's who lose in the end, like I have a really good LCD computer screen, a 23 Inch Apple Cinema HD Display, I had to get it to match my PowerMac G5, both made out of Aluminium, but it doesnt have some digital rights managment chip in it, so I cant use this screen with my PS3, which I could with any cheaper and newer LCD computer screen. I havnt bothered trying, but if I did connect it with a really expensive adaptor, it would give me some error message or just not work or something weird because the PS3 is sending out an encrypyed signal thats meant to stop you copying movies somehow, and the display doesnt talk back to it in the right code. In future I'll do a video games episode.

Im not so sure how long each episode will work out being, its just one guy reading something I've planned in advance. Larger podcasts like Tank Riot, with a bunch of friends huddle around a mic, they go off topic fairly easily, like if one guy cracks a joke and it takes a while to establish order again. As Im planning this episode, I have a crazy moth hitting all the walls in my room, I love moths, but I HATE it when they go nuts at nighttime when you have a light on. A lot of my female friends are actually scared of moths, but they are such pretty animals when you look at the patterns and colours of their furry bodies. They have real textures to them too, they are kinda like velvet up close. Plenty of animal topics to bring up in future, and some to do with animal rights. I'd like to do a few vegetarian slash vegan things, and cover stuff like the history of the New Zealand meat industry, that would be a fairly unique podcast. New Zealand kind of invented exporting meat during the war, with frozen meat leaving NZ for other countries.

Here in Invercargill there are a few really gross places, lots of slaughter houses in Southland, the region my city Invercargill is in, most New Zealanders call them "Freezing Works", shortened to " The Works ". Theres a few battery hen places, and outside of Invercargill by a pet shop and the cemetary, good location, theres some kind of mink farm, ferrit kinda of animals Im told are inside these long sheds that have lights on all night, to trick the animals into thinking its day time , I guess they grow faster during the day or something? Reading up about it on Wikipedia, those kinds of animals like eating fish and rabbits, when they farm them in tiny cages with no darkness, they feed them rancid cheese, America alone uses some huge weight of off cheese each year for the fur industry. Thats incredibly gross, I might point it out to someone wearing animal fur, "did you know that living thing you had killed, with its skin draped around you, did you know that it lived on maggot ridden cheese?" I hate seeing women in leather shoes, or with leather purses etc. Why do we even like leather in the first place? I guess the normal kinda leather feels like rubber when its soft, when its hard its like a scaly plastic. When cars are advertised, they show off "Leather seats!!!!!" like you are just meant to stop thinking and be impressed by whatever they claim is the "in thing". In the Top Gear NZ magazine, they have symbols in car reviews to let you know what features the car has, air conditioning etc. For leather seats they use a picture of a cow, its in red if it has leather seats, or grayed out if you're unfortunate enough not to have dead animal plastered around your Daihatsu. Dont people ever think about demanding more from car seats? Leather seats seem to have been thought of as high class thing for a hundred years, its probably more concrete than making cars out of metal. Why not some lovely sleek glass seats, you could slip in and out of them? Carbon Fibre? That would look really expensive. I've heard about old Volkswagens that had DENIM material inside, that sounds awesome! Like a huge pair of denim jeans, all throughout your car.

I saw a really nice hybrid Honda Civic at my work a few weeks back, it had awesome microfibre seat material, with exposed stitching. I really think that looked better than any leather seats I've seen, and it would probably be warmer when its cold, wouldnt heat up in the sun like leather seats, cheaper and kinder to make.

I made a planning file on my computer, I've listed some ideas I'd like to try talking about. Some things about New Zealand history would be interesting I think, the 1981 Springbok Tour, how the Manapouri Power Station was built, I was on a tour of the second tunnel that was made to increase its power output, and have a cap I won on a raffle there. Maybe an episode about alternative power in New Zealand, we have some Wind Turbines in Southland. Im always interested in Nuclear Power, so that right there deserves its own Pros and Cons episode. I've been outside of New Zealand once, a school trip to Australia, I have some good stories to tell about the visit, when I was at Dream World which is probably the biggest theme park in Australia, the two scariest rides BOTH malfunctioned, The Giant Drop and The Tower of Terror. They are both built on the same "huge metal pole", The Giant Drop is a harness bus thing that drives up the nearly 40 story poll and pauses up there for 40 seconds before it drops you back down, you actually pull a few G's according to Wikipedia. The Tower of Terror was the tallest and fastest rollarcoaster in the world when it was built which would have been so cool to say I'd been on, but I didnt because I was too scared and it had a major problem while I was there. The Giant Drop has a counterweight thats on the other side of the pole from the people carriage thing. Somehow the track the counterweight went up and down on BENT itself, I dont remember how I learnt that, how it got out, but the thing was shut down for 20 minutes or so while tech guys went up and fixed it somehow. "Is there a chance the track could bend? not a chance, my hindu friend" as the Monorail episode of The Simpsons put it. The Tower of Terror, the rollarcoaster that drives up and then back down in reverse down the pole, well the computer system in control stopped the car at the wrong time, instead of letting the 6 tonne car that does 0-160 Kph in a 7 seconds, it didnt make it back to the station where people get on and off, it stopped a hundred metres or so in front of it, maybe the computer thought it had a problem and had to put on emergency brakes, I dont know. I was too scared to go on those biggest rides anyway probably, I sort of regret it now of course, but when they both had major problems within a couple hours of each other on the day I were there? Not a chance. I remember my old friend Liam telling me about his trip to the Gold Coast Australia when we were both about ten. He had some story about how cool the Wipeout was, its a big twisty swing thing, you can find it easily enough on Google, and that someone had died on that once because the harness was too open around them, and they fell right out. I havnt found anything about it on the internet so I guess he was just making that up, but it stayed with me when I actually rode the thing myself! In future Ill talk more about the Australia trip.

I should do a podcast episode about famous people I like, almost all of them are inventors, like Richard Pearse, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. I'll try and remember to talk about my favourite podcasts, maybe you will find something you like.

Future episodes might be made longer, this is just my first actual introduction episode, using my own voice! To repeat myself, you dont have to listen to each and every episode I put up, you can skip the fluffy bunny animal stuff, or the nerdy computer topics or whatever! I might try and aim for a new podcast each week, but no promises ok? If anyone is out there listening, thanks for letting me waste some of your precious, precious time! Theres no refunds buddy, read the sign!

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, j a y w o n t d a r t @, I'd appreciate it.

Have a super happy day, bye.

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